football.

so as you all know, i love football. i may not understand all the rules. but i know enough to smack talk, watch a game without saying "what happened? i don't get it.", and i know enough to not plan on getting married on a saturday in the fall.

you may be thinking... "silly woman. football is on sundays and mondays." and i'm thinking "oh simple minded, non-sec school attending fool... college football is on saturdays." people who didn't goto an sec school don't really understand football. not even the big 10. yeah i just said that (and my brother went to penn state). i mean really? the sec has dominated the bcs championship and you're going to shit talk me? your conference is split into the wizards and the warlocks and you think you can shit talk me? sit down.

all that being said - can you believe i have never been invited to participate in fantasy football? sure, i am not well versed in the nfl... and i have a tendency to call it 'final fantasy football'... and well, i have boobs. but that doesn't mean i don't know a thing or two.

for instance, i could have told you peyton manning won't be starting this season. so to the retard that picked him up in my league (shout out to the boone county trash - thanks for the invite führer hovermale... hope you have no jewish lineage.) i think you are a silly twit. everyone knows peyton is out getting speech therapy for that awful accent. ok, maybe not but he is out for a hot minute.

aside from picking up freaking fat jessica simpson dating tony romo... i think i did a pretty decent job with my lil football squad. see below:

qb: tony romo
te: rob gronkowski
rb: ray rice, joseph addai
wr: larry fitzgerald, miles austin, steve johnson
k: stephen gostkowski
dst: steelers
reserves: brandon jacobs + ladainian tomlinson (rb), jacoby jones (wr), mark sanchez (qb), zach miller (te)

you'll notice i did not pick any gators. and yes, i am a florida gator. but i'm not a fucking retard. tebow is a sweetheart but i'm not taking a hit for his ass just yet. yes, i could have picked aaron hernandez over robbie gronk but rob is a huge dude and i think he is better in the red zone (plus that entire family is freakishly athletic). in terms of running backs and wide receivers, i think i did alright considering everyone was grabbing these guys right away. i did want percy harvin but somebody (not to name names... kiley wilkinson) took him right before i could. kickers are whatever and at least i got the steelers for dst.

if you have any shit talk to throw my way, please go ahead. i'm up for a little childish banter. but before you get aggressive keep in mind... as previously mentioned - i have boobs. i understand that you may too... but they are probably man boobs.

boooooom.