sandwich.

so as you've probably noticed (thank you loyal blog reader, jacqueline) i haven't been posting lately. I've been traveling a lot for work and i don't really tote my laptop around. but i am looking into being able to blog off my blackberry.

on a recent trip to new york i was was approached with quite possibly the strangest simple question ever.

as i'm getting onto the plane and into the main aisle, i find my row and the elderly woman in the aisle seat kindly moves so that i can settle into my inviting window seat. people keep boarding but this woman remains standing. she turns to me only to say "i hope nobody sits here," to which i smile kindly and agree. her response? "i don't really like people... i mean you're fine but i don't like sitting by people." umm... ok well thank god you didn't get the middle seat. lucky for friendly fran nobody joins us in our row.

as you know, meals are no longer served on airlines. if you look around the cabin, you notice some people may bring a sandwich, some chips or cookies, etc. my new friend visited her local subway prior to this flight. her sandwich is nestled into the middle seat. "i brought a sandwich... i don't mind sharing if you're hungry." right... "oh, thank you but i'm ok." i decided to take out my book, nintendo ds, and ipod all at the same time in an effort to keep her from talking to me again.

as soon as the cabin begins to pressurize, she puts down her tray table and grabs her sandwich. it seems she asked for each component of her sandwich to be packed separately, including the very potent dressing. so she starts piecing together her sandwich making sure to touch the bread, cheese, turkey, lettuce, tomato, etc with her creepy, wrinkly, old lady hands. and of course she tops it off with some kind of italian vinaigrette. this smell explodes in the cabin. its in my nose, my eyes, my hair, its probably burning into my clothes. she looks very proud of herself and her new sandwich. she takes a bite... and then out of nowhere thrusts the sandwich with spittle bubbles about 2 and a half inches from my face and says "you want some??"

oh.
my.
god.

spirit.

i just came back from a mini vacation in chicago. it was great. the airline i flew on, however, was not.

spirit is the worst airline known to man. and i say this after having experienced the other worst airline known to man - air india. seriously, i don't understand how any company can be as horrific as either of these two.

spirit's $9 flights are a load of crap. you have to join some kind of spirit membership group that has a fee. thank god i didn't do that. who would fly on this shitty airline more than once? i almost don't want to submit this post as i am ashamed to ever have even flown on spirit (sorry boca).

so let's see... i am booking my ticket. flat fee, taxes... ok fair. 15 bucks for a bag? each way?? ok well its winter so i have to take a bag so i can pack sweaters. ok seat assignment... wtf? you want me to pay to pick a seat? what the hell is my ticket price for then? do i have to pay for a seatbelt too?

after i manage to go through with booking my flight they emailed me to let me know that they rescheduled my 4 pm return flight. really? how is that ok? if i wanted to leave chicago at 640 pm i would have picked the 640 pm departure. but oh wait... you only have 2 flights to ft lauderdale a day. when i call to complain about the time change i am told they can put me on the other flight (6 am) free of charge... oh wow, how generous.

but fine - i get to chicago safely-ish. i have a great 4 days and now i'm heading home. i get to the airport at 615 for a 720 flight that was delayed from 640. but i am told my bag "may not make it home with me" because i missed the luggage cut off for the flight's original departure time. after pleading with the moron at the desk i'm told that they will "try to get my bag on but it is not likely". and when i get to the gate the plane hasn't even arrived so how am i LATE for luggage?! assholes. when we do finally board i am sitting in the filthiest seat of my life. crumbled butterfingers in my chair, on the ground, in the aisle... weird 1970's child molester to my left and thumper in front of me. this guy banged his chair into my knee for the entire flight. oh and my favorite part was the very annoying man writing me notes on the vomit bag. now that's how you pick up a girl for real!

my luggage made it. my sanity did not. eff you spirit.

inspiration.

so i recently read a book called "bitter is the new black" by jen lancaster. it's bitchy and it takes place in chicago. now i know there is a god.

seriously if this is a true story i don't know how it couldn't also happen to me. this girl gets laid off (ok i can skip over that part) and is unemployed for 2 years (ill skip this too) and then gets a book deal eventually because she's a blogging genius. umm... hello out there... i am a blogging genius too! sure i haven't blogged in a few months but i am back. in fact, i might even blog a little tonight. or i might goto sleep - i'm not sure yet.