havaianas.

it's that time of year again. mariah carey is actually on the radio again (all i want for christmas - you know the words). gingerbread lattes are available at starbucks for 400+ calories a pop. and everyone becomes the most annoying person in the world... especially at the mall. that's right, it's holiday season. joy.

i don't really do christmas shopping because, well, i'm hindu. but sometimes i need to go to the mall for shoes, or a dress, maybe another lip gloss. retail therapy, you know? so i found myself at macy's the other day and was wandering around looking at bedding and linens etc. just to look. you know, for me and my imaginary fiance. (hello gerard butler.)

a sales associate approaches and asks how i am doing and if i would like any assistance. nope, i'm good. thank you. i continue browsing... imagining all the stupid unnecessary throw pillows i could buy. ahh bliss.

douchey mcdouche: "hi miss, are you sure you don't need any help? I'm happy to help."

vava: "oh no, i'm ok but thank you"

d mcd: "by the way, are you brazilian?"

vava: "what?"

d mcd: "are you brazilian? you're wearing those shoes..." (he points toward my feet)

vava: "yeah no, actually i'm not. i'm just wearing them. they're just havaianas."

i avoid the mall from nov 20 - jan 10 because of the crowds, the greedy grabbing, the boca jew bitches, and the screaming bastard kids. but mainly because of people like this guy.

die.

linkedin.

can someone explain to me what type of person is connecting their twitter account to their linkedin? if i wanted my job/boss to know i had a kickass personality, i would have tried out for reality tv.

jc.

so i'm not sure if you have gotten wind of what's been going on in the twitterverse but it seems that jesus has a twitter account. look him up @iJesusChrist. clearly, the late jc is totally with the times. when i asked him, "why the i?" he responded to me saying it was time for him to get with the digital age and besides, he has an iphone and an imac, so why not iJesusChrist? can't argue with that, he's freakin' jesus. (i think he meant cyber age, but again... who am i to argue?)

over the past few days i have been following christ... well, more like stalking... and here are some of my favorite words from our savior:

For spelling too I hope. RT @iamdiddy: Tomorrows gona be a better day
31 minutes ago from web

@xochitleatsky You don't want to know....Michael Jackson showed me the moonwalk. Tupac isn't here. He's in a much more tropical enviroment.
about 1 hour ago from web in reply to xochitleatsky

Im not.Go get some lights, cheapskate RT @Zilla209: Not spending money this year on outdoor Christmas lights. Im sure Jesus is cool with it
about 2 hours ago from TweetDeck

The fact that I can use proper grammar for one. RT @zachflynn: If we are all gods children, then what's makes jesus so special?
about 5 hours ago from TweetDeck

@VCurrentAffairs what can I say? chicks dig the beard. Turning water into wine doesnt hurt either.
about 5 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to VCurrentAffairs

@XxBrookeyBabyxX you should probably work on spelling. I can't grant a prayer if I can't understand it.
about 8 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to XxBrookeyBabyxX

Birthday countdown 25 days!
12:21 AM Dec 1st from TweetDeck

@johncmayer Hi, John...I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Jesus, nice to meet you.
11:59 PM Nov 30th from TweetDeck

and my personal fave was when jesus tweeted at me!

@flirtyfloridian It's true. I showed Tebow how to do that after his sophomore year. He needed to loosen up a bit.
11:44 PM Dec 1st from TweetDeck in reply to flirtyfloridian

in the end this "parable" (if you will) teaches us that first of all, EVEN jesus is obsessed with tim tebow. i mean, he tweets about him for christ's sake. and secondly, jc isn't cool with crappy spelling or poor grammar - sorry fsu grads.

got a question for the jees? hit him up on twitter @ijesuschrist

amen.

resurrection.

clearly, it's been a while. last post was sometime this past spring-ish. and now i am back by popular demand (justin and willie). so a lot has transpired over the last half of the year. here's the unofficial cliffs notes:

- went to amsterdam and didn't smoke weed
- went to belgium and didn't drink beer
- spent an endless amount of time in new york city
- saw pitbull in concert
- saw ray lamontagne in concert
- bought sweet over the knee stiletto boots
- got over my hatred for peep toe shabooties and now proudly own a pair (or 4)
- figured out how to layer
- perfected my ridiculously awesome recipe for homemade key lime pie
- embraced my twitter account (@flirtyfloridian)
- got weed blown in my face and ended up on tfln.com
- the gators are heading into the sec championship game this saturday against bama (again)
- hopping across the pond to london next week
- following up with a week in paris
- new year's eve... taylor comes to miami (crossing my fingers)

and of course in between these events there were numerous occasions during which i was asked if i am brazilian.

the answer is still no. or não if you insist on being an ass.

stay tuned people, i'm excited to update this crap.

305.

so i went to my first heat game this past weekend. heat vs hawks - playoff game 3. nice! the seats were great(on top of the arena - but great), the company was great, the game was great. everything was great until the 2nd quarter when pitbull's mini me showed up and sat in the seat right next to me. where is the hand sanitizer when you need it??

this guy was wearing a white heat jersey (side note: i'm sorry boys, basketball jerseys on non basketball players are just plain unattractive) - umm, newsflash buddy, the miami heat asked for all fans to wear black and even went so far as to hand out free shirts when you got there. dipshit.

he was also wearing sunglasses. on his face. during the entire game. this is not street ball. there is no glare reflecting off the blacktop. we are indoors. someone please tell me who decided this was cool. everyone knows that you make fun of people who wear their sunglasses indoors or at night. so why would you wear them to a freaking indoor basketball game that also happens to be at night?? retard.

and although he did start the evening next to me, he continued to move to any empty seat he could find and start talking to whoever was next to him. god help the group of asians he was with during the 4th quarter. when this seat hopping charade began - a woman next to me asked him where his seat was... to which he replied "oh yeah, you know i'm right behind the heat bench yo. yo yo yo blah blah blah i have no class..." you expect me to believe you pretty much had court side seats and now you are in row 900? riiight...

and he was covered in tattoos. hey if that's your thing - to each his own. but having an area code (among other things) inked onto your arm? why, in case you forget and need to phone home? how lame are you? please note the aforementioned tattoo on his right arm. gay.

i just wanted to pull him aside and clue him in on how big of a douche he appeared to be. you are spilling beer on people and screaming louder than the 6 year olds behind me who are hopped up on cotton candy and soda. and stop yelling "did you see that?!" in people's faces. what in the hell do you think i came here for? to eat ice cream and talk about gossip girl? maybe a game of scrabble? idiot. of course i saw that you dumbass - i'm at a basketball game. but who knows, maybe on any other day he is actually somewhat intelligent and charming. haha. no.

if this guy had any chance of having an education i could only guess that he went to miami dade community college. or university of miami if i'm going to be generous. (can't spell dump/scum without um!)

and for christ's sake, get a razor. you are not hugh jackman, colin farrell, or paul walker. you cannot pull off the sexy scruffy look.

seriously, i wonder how many diseases this kid has.


btw - the heat won. 107 - 78.

texting.

this is the funniest website of my life:

www.textsfromlastnight.com

once you get through them all you click the area code label links for even more silly nonsense. archived texts on the right. i love it.

some of my favs:

(619): i miss you so much
(858): i miss you too
(858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
_________________________________

(615): yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
(702): Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
__________________________________

(786): Thats something to write home to mom about
(305): Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
_________________________________

(301): I'm sorry my penis didn't work
__________________________________

(504): dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
(985): doesn't he have a girlfriend???
(504): yeah...who do you think woke us up...
__________________________________

(260): So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
(1-260): Are your eyes okay
(260): I mean if I was Asian they would be
__________________________________

(213) 2:19a: Whats up
(424): Asleep
(213): Miss you... Wondering how you are..
(424): ASLEEP
(213): Just wanted to say hi, see how school's going
(424): Hi, awesome, now fuck offf

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ideeli.

obsessed with this website. it's invite only so click the link below. go. join. buy.

http://www.ideeli.com/invite/vanitaaswani

subway.

so sometimes when you're in the city you've got to rely a bit on public transport. it's not as "sex and the city" here as you might want to believe. i know... i was shocked the first time i realized that too. there should be a support group for this.

i was on the subway yesterday and i really wanted to sit down. i had 35 blocks or so to go. but before resting my tired feet i did a quick size up of who was already seated. a lil tip I picked up (thanks brian) is that this is new york city. there are way more people riding the trains than there are seats so if there is a seat left empty there's probably a good reason for that.

i subtly looked at the people sitting next to the empty spots and now i knew why such a primo location on the c train was left vacant. there was a man who was probably around 28 or 29 dressed in all black with a long thick pony tail and lots of silver jewelry. i'm talking chains, skull rings, multiple bracelets etc. he was a mess. as i move down to the center of the train he turns toward me and blows me a kiss. i threw up a lil in my mouth then and again just now as i am writing this. but i turned my face so that i wouldn't have to be visually assaulted. and that's when i saw a sweet girl make the mistake of sitting down next to him.

i could watch what was going on in the reflection of the subway car's window. unknowingly she smiled when he said hi. she must not be from here. i looked away for a bit because my lunch was coming up. when i did get back to my subway vouyerism i saw that this man had now taken the liberty to push this girl's hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear. holy crap. she looked horrified. i looked horrified! and i am fully confident that she did not know him. how weird. a few stops later she got up and walked to the other end of the car to get off. and that's when he got up and went in the same direction as her. creepy mc creepster.

taxi!

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twitter.

how is it that twitter has expanded to become a micro-blogging cult? it's basically the status application from facebook expanded. but you don't see people updating their facebook every 15 minutes as they are doing with the twit. well...maybe some people.

and what makes one person more interesting to follow than the next? i mean right now, ashton kutcher is challenging cnn that he can reach 1 million follwers before cnn can. are you serious? have you even read ashton's tweeting? it's so random! how does he even find the time to tweet as much as he does?! the sheer volume of tweets he has posted in the past 24 hrs is baffling. or even demi - how on earth do these people tweet so often? the thing that amazes me the most is that they even reply people who tweet at them. unlike myspace and facebook, i think twitter allows you to connect a bit of realism to the celebrity or whoever that you may be slightly obsessed with. kall me krazy but i really believe that kim kardashian is tweeting on the kim kardashian page. i love her. maybe thats why i want to believe it's really truly her. but again, with the tv appearances, reggie bush, Keeping Up, and everything else - HOW DOES SHE FIND TIME TO FREAKIN TWEET??

and keep in mind all moat people do is enter random status updates. im in the loo. im going out. i had peas for lunch. well, not me. if you want to know my opinions on anything beauty related whether it's bath, body, skincare, fragrance, etc just tweet at me or follow me at www.twitter.com/flirtyfloridian and get a daily tweet tweet from me!

test.

well well... it's been a long time.

remember when I said I want to blog from my bb? I think i've figured it out.

this is only a test. If this had been a real entry it would have contained something witty.
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